Burns so good

Put icy hot on my lower back, my neck & my shoulders. My skin is on fire!

This is what I want for my next vehicle. Basically it’s the same as my focus, except it has leather seats. But same touch screen & Sony stereo system. I’ve always wanted an SUV. I want to pay off my car first (

This is what I want for my next vehicle. Basically it’s the same as my focus, except it has leather seats. But same touch screen & Sony stereo system. I’ve always wanted an SUV. I want to pay off my car first (

My brother is the most ungrateful, arrogant prick that I’ve ever met. He’s complaining to me on Facebook about having to pay several thousand dollars towards my dad’s life insurance policy. I did it without complaint. When my dad dies, we each get 40x that amount back. He’s bitching b/c he thought my dad was gifting us the money to pay the life insurance company. I guess he was asked when he was sending in his check & that they got mine already. So he thought I was given money. Technically - we were given the money…in the form of trust funds which have since been dissolved & we are now in control of that money. But, you know, how dare someone make my brother spend that money on something that doesn’t pay off immediately.

The next comment he sends me I’m gonna tell him “if you don’t want to pay, why don’t you call dad & tell him to remove you as a beneficiary of his life insurance policy?” Shit….it would mean more money for me. Not that I’m looking forward to my dad’s death….but this is his plan to take care of us. My dad is trying to make sure that his kids & grand kids have a better life than he did as a child & young adult. My dad came from nothing. He made a lot of bad choices when we were young, but he has done everything in his power to correct that.

Since he was 17, my brother has wanted for nothing. He has been given so much - cars, money, masters degree paid for…and he’s still bitching. I want to cut off his foot & shove it up his ass!!!

Ohhhh…and if I hadn’t mentioned it already….he and his wife each make nearly $100k a year. I make like $24k a year. My other brother is flying down from NY in a month with his kids. He only budgeted for one theme park & his kids want to go to Lego land. Of course all of us that live down here have disney annual passes. So I asked me asshole brother if he’d split the cost of buying disney tickets. He flat out said no. I make a quarter of what he earns & we’d be splitting the cost equally & he said no. What a fucking loser.

So I guess there’s a “viral video” of a proposal at the Paul McCartney concert. The guy who proposed was my 10th grade English teacher. He also was my teacher for AP English in 12th grade. Everyone on Facebook is praising him & they act like he’s an amazing teacher. He wasn’t amazing when I had him as a teacher. I swear on my life he never read my papers. He just put a “B” or “C” on it with no explanation. I was both too coward & didn’t care enough to question it….even though students with “A” papers had notes of praise all over them. If he really read my papers & was a good teacher, he would have given me notes to make me a better writer. But no. I went off to college and took Greek & Roman Humanities from a worldly professor who held a PhD & she grabbed my arm on the last day of class, looked me in the eye, and told me “you’re a wonderful writer.”

Mr. Dann can go fuck himself!

Scheduled an eye exam appointment tomorrow. I’m about 15 months overdue. This time, when she tells me I should go back to my neuro-ophthalmologist, I swear I will. I didn’t last time - march 2010. I had some edema in my eyes. But I wasn’t symptomatic, so I said “fuck it” and didn’t go. But the headaches are getting more frequent. And I’m having trouble sleeping sometimes. I’m thinking that the Pseudotumor Cerebri may be relapsing. Not sure though. But I think it’s time for a work up. I’m willing to do anything except a lumbar puncture….never again….can’t forget that painful experience. But we’ll see what happens. Best case scenario - I’m actually fine. Worst case scenario - not a false tumor, but a real one. This is why I avoid finding out. I feel like I got lucky the first time.

i don’t feel anything

my former co-worker (she moved to her home town area in Nebraska like 3yrs ago) just lost her husband. i’m actually surprised he lasted as long as he did. i was like “whoa” when i read it, but other than that i don’t feel anything. actually, my thoughts are of how stupid they are.

she was rather uneducated. she was more than 20 years older than me, but its like she had the education of a 13 year old. i have no idea if she ever graduated high school. she worked in the kennel of our animal hospital. her husband sat at home, doing nothing. they lived paycheck to paycheck b/c he wouldn’t get off his ass and work. but they always had money for pepsi and cigarettes. of course, they didn’t have health insurance.

another former co-worker tried to sit down with her on many occasions and get her government assistance. she wouldn’t do it for multiple reasons. she always assumed welfare was for black people and didn’t think she could get it b/c she was white. she wouldn’t sign up for programs to have her utilities paid b/c she’d have to re-register on a monthly basis and that was just too much work (really?? i would drag my ass wherever to have my utilities paid for if i was having a hard time financially).

anyways…her husband was having bloody stools & weight loss for almost 2 years before they finally got him to a doctor. we had told her of programs to pay hospital and doctor bills too but she didn’t want to be bothered. turns out he had colon cancer. and who knows for how long. he had surgery. and she told all of us that’s all he had to do….he didn’t need chemo or radiation. hard to believe b/c colon cancer is no fucking joke. then they moved.

about a year ago, i guess, i saw on facebook that he had something like stage 4 lung cancer. i’m assuming that their lack of follow up w/ the colon cancer caused it to spread. and today i saw that he died.

my point of this post is, if you aren’t willing to accept the help of others, you’re to blame for your…well…whatever. had she listened to my co-workers 4 or more years ago, they could have detected his cancer early & gotten rid of it. its hard to feel any remorse. we all tried to help but she just wouldn’t accept what we were telling her. she wanted to be pitied, but not helped.

maybe this makes me a bad person. i don’t know. its like if you’re behind on rent & i offer to help pay some money & you don’t accept my help - i’m not going to feel sorry if you get evicted. i tried to help. you’re stubbornness is your demise.

The other night my cat woke me up at 1:30am chasing something in my bedroom. I could tell he was fixated on something under my window. First thought was “oh great”. Then I turned the flashlight on my iphone on & saw a HUGE frog. I was having a panic attack. I don’t like critters. Especially ones that jump without warning. Now, I was on sleeping pills - so I stumbled down the stairs & climbed on my countertop to reach a large plastic bowl. I’m not short, my cabinets are really tall. Anyways…I got him covered & grabbed the heaviest thing I could & set it on top. My cat was going nuts, so I had to kick him out. I didn’t get anymore sleep b/c I was freaking out, my cat was howling outside my bedroom door & about every 30 minutes I hear a thud when the frog jumps under the bowl. Luckily my mom came over yesterday afternoon & evicted him.

I had to go buy a little carpet shampoo thingy last night b/c it peed & pooped on my carpet. Ugh!! It was seriously a nightmare. It’s been really rainy everyday, so I can see how it’s possible that it got in the front door one of the times I took my dog out to go to the bathroom. But my fucking cat chased it pretty far for it to get upstairs into my bedroom. I’m thankful I have a crazy cat, otherwise who knows how long it would be until I found that thing. Or even worse….it could have found me!!!!

My neck has been painful for a few days. My mom gave me a Thermacare heat wrap last night, but i just couldn’t position it in a good way to get where I’m hurting. I might try icy hot. I’ve never used it before. But this pain is nagging. I actually asked my mom about how much acupuncture costs. Someday I might try it. Also, never knew my mom tried it - but she said “cupping” helps too. She also suggested a chiropractor. It would be nice to find an alternative to medications to deal with aches & pains. And something to improve my sleep - that would be amazing.

Nightmare work week

So the employers were off Wednesday through today. I’ve been working since 6/9 and I’m not off till 6/18. We’ve had a relief veterinarian in & they only want me to work w/ her. She’s a great doctor, but to a fault. It takes her forever in rooms w/ patients & she can’t get through any exam without needing me to do estimates or whatever else even though I have other patients to see. So that’s why I haven’t been allowed a day off.

Pregnant co-worker didn’t work Wednesday, went home sick on Thursday, didn’t work Friday & called out sick today. I seriously had minimal help, yet I was helping everyone else. It was complete bullshit. I have an extra hour on my time card for staying late every day.

While the employers were away - a leg that holds up one of the kennels rusted off yesterday & today the washer decided to break. Haven’t told my employers yet b/c didn’t want to stress them out while they’re away dealing w/ their daughters wedding. It’s not like anyone can do anything about it until Monday anyways.

Two words. Maggot. Cat. Yes, maggot cat. For 3 days I had to treat a hospitalized cat with a maggot infestation. The owner didn’t realize the pet had maggots on it (I had the pleasure of discovering it while examining the pet in the room before the doctor came in). So it had maggots on its belly & I discovered that they were coming out of its rectum. Yes, the cat had maggots in its ass. So I had to do bloodwork, X-rays, IV fluids & maggot removal for 3 days until the owner ultimately decided to euthanize (the cat also wasn’t using it’s back legs & was 18 years old). For the record, not only are maggots absolutely disgusting, but combined with the foul odor coming from the cat - I’m shocked that I never vomited.

So tonight I decided to de-stress and I went to Magic Kingdom. It sprinkled on & off, but not too bad. Hit up its a small world, little mermaid, buzz light year, haunted mansion & pirates of the Caribbean. It was a great night to go since it was overcast & cooler. I had fun & now it’s time to pass the fuck out!!!

What’s wrong with me?

I am constantly tired. I sleep ~7 hours at night. I do wake briefly throughout the night. I get up at 6am to let my dog go out to the bathroom. My new routine is doing that, showering & doing my hair. Then I reset an alarm & go back to sleep from 7:10 to 7:40am. I’m also napping on my lunch break. It’s like I just can’t get enough sleep. I’m going to try to start going to bed earlier & see if that helps.

It’s going to be a long week. Typically I’d be off today - but no. I’m scheduled to work every day (even this Sunday) 6/9-6/17. 9 days straight is a bit much. And again - the pregnant coworker has it easy. Comes in late everyday. During my 9 straight days, she will have 3 days off. It’s just not fair.

I swear….

It’s becoming my problem that my coworker is knocked up & I’m over it. I’m sick of catering to the fact that she’s tired & feeling sick all the time. Well, you did it to yourself. It is not my fault that you have forgone health insurance & can’t afford birth control. It’s also not my fault that despite feeling sick all the time, you won’t go to a doctor b/c your free Medicaid hasn’t started yet. If I get one more fucking text from my boss about how to work around her “morning sickness” I might start seeking employment elsewhere.

Also, in the realm of pissed offed-ness….for some unknown reason in my condo community, they’ve been skipping over changing the dog cleanup station closest to my home for the last 4 weeks. The others have been changed. Mine is full. I went to toss my dogs poop bag in it this morning & it has maggots crawling on it!!!!! Guess I’ll have to contact someone about that when I get home from work.

Yup - off to work. Hopefully I won’t spaz the fuck out on everyone b/c I’m the only one without any help, yet I’m always expected to help everyone else.